In Jesus' Name

The song "In Jesus' Name" by Hope's Call (Check it out here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivYG0j_3k28) is one of the many things lately besides God putting a burning desire inside me to reach out to others and share Jesus with them. There's nothing more rewarding in life than working to share the love and joy that has been so generously shown to me! It breaks my heart to see some of my friends struggling so hard to find God when He is there with open arms just waiting for them to come. Though I also understand that struggle.

I was raised in church, so I've been well "churched." I asked Jesus into my heart sometime around 6 years old, but I really started trying to live for him when I turned 10 or 11. He filled me with His Holy Spirit as in the book of Acts (1 and 2) when I was 15. I knew the call of God was/is on my life and He's set me apart for a purpose. I knew how to say all the "right things," do the "right things," and how to get close to God through daily prayer and devotions. I knew to go to hospitals to visit the sick and to pray for those having trials and illness. But did I really know the closeness and how to get there to the One who loves me (and you) more than anyone could imagine?! I sort of knew how to get there, but getting there was hard. I generally am not the kind of person who just opens up and gets close to someone easily. I enter a friendship cautiously and sometimes feel awkward when I feel like I tell someone too much. (By the grace of God, He is helping me to be more open with people when is appropriate and not be afraid of being close to them...depending on the people of course.) This way of me often translated with my relationship with God. I was afraid of dying to myself (and too often when I do, the devil is always there to make me fear that giving up something of myself will make me lose my identity and I will HAVE to do what I'm God desires I do.) But I heard an evangelist preach this recently: when you run to the altar to let God know you are giving Him all of you and you lay down certain things He's asking of you, DON'T FORGET TO PICK UP WHAT GOD HAS PLACED FOR YOU INSTEAD! Now that puts a whole different light on surrender! You don't just lay down your life on the altar at the mercy of whatever is going to happen to you next, but God has already brought something for you in place of what is holding you back! That something (whatever it may be) will set you running for Him.

A year and half ago I had to learn a lesson about God that was a real breaking point for me in my relationship with Him. There was something in my life that was REALLY holding me back from closeness to Him. 1)A prayer I had been praying for as long as I could remember was NOT getting answered, so I resigned myself to the fact it was NEVER going to be & that God must not care enough IF He was even there! 2) I feared that He would just totally take over and FORCE His ways on me if I surrendered my all to Him. So I went my own way for about 5 months or so. More of an inward rebellious attitude than anything rooted itself in my heart, but my outward reflected it as well. I decided since God doesn't care about me enough to change my circumstance that I can just do what I want and do my own thing regardless of what He would say (if He did).
Well my rebelliousness came to a screeching halt the night of November 29, 2009 as I was driving home from work exhausted and just wanting to be home in my bed ASAP! Speeding down the highway, an 82 in a 65, I FLEW past a patrol car camoflauged in the night. I saw him a little too late and quickly slowed down and get this, PRAYED that God would somehow not let him see me! Ha! Like God would answer a prayer of disobedience, I don't think so! Glancing in my rearview mirror, I will never forget that patrol car easing his way onto the semi-busy highway, turning on those lights and picking up speed as he caught up to me (in my parent's car by the way...it is easier to speed in that car because it's newer than mine and you can't feel the road as well, but 82 mph was no excuse!). By the time he got to me, I was going a normal speed of 65, but that didn't matter. Off the road we both slowed down, and he approached with a flashlight. Of course, we all know I got a hefty fine, but God was gracious enough to me to put me on the diversion program where if I paid a certain amount and didn't get a ticket within the next 7 months, I wouldn't have to pay the orginal amount and it wouldn't go on my insurrance! God WAS merciful even though He didn't allow the police to ignore my sin. But that night was the breaking point in my running from God. I got home, told my mom what happened, closed my bedroom door and sobbed. I told God how sorry I was for running from Him, for ignoring Him, for being mad at Him and I was honest with God right then and there. I just told Him EVERYTHING, which is exactly what He was waiting to hear from me. Oh the peace that flooded my soul!
I came pretty close to backsliding, but THANK YOU, JESUS, He kept me! It has been a struggle to get back to closeness to God and to keep my focus, but praise Jesus He is helping me everyday and through that experience, He has taught me a huge lesson about Himself.
1) He is NOT a controller! (This was a biggy for me!)
He does allow freedom of choice, but
will out of a heart of love, constantly woo and draw you.
2) Living outside of the will of God is a miserable, not freeing
to "find yourself," experience. You will find yourself away
from God. You will find the carnal man you were created as,
but you won't find the Christ you were created to be like
(really yourself) the moment you gave your heart and life to
Him (day of salvation).
3) It is important to keep up a daily prayer life to stay close
to Him. Not out of religiousness, but out of a desire to
NEVER stray because you know without Him you are nothing, are
helpless, and are giving yourself as prey to the enemy.
4) He LOVES ME! If He answered all prayers instantly, we would
look to Him as only a vending machine, rather than a God we
can rely on and trust even when times look hopeless and bleak.
5) He is watching over me! He doesn't ignore sin. It will have
its consequences (my speeding ticket and the humiliation
after lol), but He was merciful enough to give me a chance to
change my driving habits and not let it affect my insurance.

When you look at that list and the goodness of Jesus, you can't help but adore Him, worship Him and want to share His goodness, unfailingness and love with others. That's what is burning within me today!
1)Serving Him is not a list of rules and regulations you follow, but a heart that decides nothing else in this world will give me true peace and joy and satisfy that inner hunger like He does.
2)Serving Him is not just a fear of going Hell.
3)Serving Him IS about falling so deeply in love with Him that you live to eat, drink, sleep, work, socialize, minister as unto Him. You will not always FEEL like it or FEEL Him nearby. Sometimes He seems very far away, but it's a walk of faith that He loves you and won't leave you.(Hebrews 13:5)
4)Serving Him doesn't mean you will be giving your all and never be able to make decisions of your own or be your own unique person in Him. He tells you how He'd like you to live, but knows that you can't do it alone. He lets you choose, but wants you to ask Him to help you do what He wants.
5)Serving Him is being motivated to spend time with Him daily because without Him we are nothing. (John 15:5) And the longer span of time we take to get to Him, the harder it is to get back to where you were with Him. You end up spinning your wheels, going around the barn and going the same places with Him when He could be leading you higher and stronger in Him if only we made time with Him a DAILY routine.

I pray that you will find the God I know through reading this. Personally, I think alot of people have a hard time with surrender to God and for many of the same reasons I did (and still struggle with)...the main one: control. But there is freedom in the Name of Jesus. It brings peace and joy. And I don't know exactly what God has planned for my life, but I know it involves praying for people, sharing my Jesus with people, helping them to see they can and WILL make it if they just put all their trust in Him. And with that, I will be content. :)
"I can pray.
Maybe I can go
I can reach out so they will know.
I can love; I can share
I can show someone that Someone really cares.
I can be used to make a change
In Jesus' Name!!!"